Just like Lola

When i was little i always struggled with simple survey questions...i'm really quite an indecisive person. The questions regarding favorites (like "what's your favorite color?") were particularly challenging. So "What's your favorite color?" seems like such a simplistic thing to ask; however, for me it led a series of overwhelming emotions and an internal conflict leaving me in a flustered uncertainty about everything.

On one hand, I didn't want to choose just one color b/c i didn't want anyone to think i disliked the other colors...each one is just as vibrant and unique as the others and quite honestly i don't feel particularly more passionate about one specific color than another. Favorites are the hardest to choose when you want all the colors to feel as equally loved as you feel towards them. The question was also hard b/c i didn't want people to make assumptions about me based on my answer...like i wasn't positive that whatever i answered with is truly my favorite color and i didn't want people to judge me based on what i said. I didn't want them to draw conclusions about who i am and what kind of person i am all because of my favorite color because i wasn't even totally sure that what i said truly is my favorite color!!

Furthermore i didn't wanna seem too girly by picking the stereotypical girl colors....i don't like supporting stereotypes...especially gender ones. But as you see the deep contemplation for this simple question evidently foreshadows many dilemmas in my future because the future leaves you with many decisions to face. The largest most ominous one being what do i wanna do with my life? What job do i wish to  pursue? How do i choose one career and not make all the others feel left out? How can adequately weigh my options without trying them all equally? What if i make the wrong decision and miss out on so many wonderful experiences? This is obviously a problem. But recently i watched a movie that i hadn't seen in a long time and it all became clear.
When i grow up, i want to be a drag queen.

Several weekends ago i watched this movie that i hadn't seen in a long time. It was one of those things where you watch it and at the end of it you're wondering how you managed to forget about its existence and are curious why it isn't on your favorite films list. The movie is called Kinky Boots. It's this intriguing movie full of actors and actresses with wonderful british accents. The plot focuses on a relatively young man who owns a shoe factory and how he must make fancy heels and boots for drag queens in order to prevent his family's business from going under. I'm not trying to force you into watching or loving it....but like i really think it is a rather phenomenal movie.

BUT anyway...Lola.

Lola lola lola...'tis a good name, no? It just kinda rolls around on your tongue until it finally teeters off. I find it to be quite satisfying name. :) ANYWAY, the movie. and the point. I'M GETTING THERE.....ok but in this movie, Lola is the drag queen that the main character befriends and such. I don't want to spoil the movie or anything for you so we'll leave it at that. The character Lola is phenomenal though...like just everything everyone should be. She has every attribute that most generally well-intended people yearn to obtain. I love it. Lola glows...and not like edward cullen and his sparkly vampire skin....but like a star radiating light to those around her. Her personality is silly and kind and unique and she is she even when others attempt to coerce her to be otherwise and she just has this vibe that appears to fill the room with the warmth and heart of a large extended family gathering together for the first time in a while for dinner near a fireplace. It's quite beautiful and i, in all honestly, would love nothing more than to have that kind of inspirational effect on others. I mean I don't understand how you could not yearn a bit for the ability to open others mind with that kinda silly grace? 

Sometimes i wish i was a man just so i could dress up in drag. I think it'd be more satisfying than being a girl in boys clothes. I dunno... Maybe it's just that i want the bravery that comes with defying the social norm so flamboyantly?
but regardless.
"Be a Drag Queen" has been added to my bucket list.